What journalists fear

Blank page. Flicking cursor. Empty mind. The same blank page. No ideas... When it will finally hit me?? The fear we, freelance journalists, all have (or most of us, I presume). And then we question ourselves- am I going to actually sell this article? How much is it going to be worth? Is this work even worth doing?

I read few blogs on this topic so I know I'm not the only one who feels this way. Everyone who does freelance work, feels similarly. However, what I ask myself the most is if I am a good writer. And is my English sufficient? (No it's not, because it is my second language...) On the other hand, that doesn't mean that I cannot master it. Just look at Nabokov's Lolita; considered to be one of the best books ever written, it came out of the pen of a non Englisher. His first language was Russian and yet he could master his second language so brilliantly that one can't help but wonder with his jaw dropped. Reading Lolita feels like slowly inhaling the most beautiful scent, or as if tasting the perfect Parisian chocolate mousse on your mouth without ever needing to swallow it. The book is perfection itself, it is a masterpiece.

This is what keeps me going. What makes me realize that there is still a chance for me. In my humble opinion it is one thing to be a freelancer who struggles to get assignments but it's another to be a foreigner- by language but also by heart. However, that is another story...

Let's come back to the original issue; how to tackle the fear of being a mediocre writer? Obviously, if I knew the answer, I would not be writing this post! (Or not worrying about it any more...) But I can tell you few tips which help me. From time to time we all feel like we are wasting our lives and whatever we are doing is not worth doing because we are simply not good at it. We doubt ourselves (for whatever reasons) and we need some kind of encouragement. To get a feedback is always helpful, but it can't be any feedback. It must be a constructive one thus don't try to ask your friends, flatmates, or mother to read your work. Rather ask someone whose feedback you are afraid of, someone who you think is better than you, too critical, or just doesn’t understand you. There are very few friends who could give you an objective and constructive criticism. Of course, you don't want only the negative response. However such reply would help you to make even bigger step than hearing a simple 'good job'.

Another helpful tip is to go out, go for a walk, play with your children, call your loved ones.. Change the environment. Be alone. Stare into the void. Or watch people in the café. Don't think. Just absorb. I shall be honest with you, I had never known how to be alone and appreciate it up until the time I started traveling. The best thing about traveling on your own is that it taught me how to accept my own thoughts and how to not get bored even if my mind is empty.

Read some of your old work. Browse your old photographs, perhaps from the last year's holidays- I read somewhere about a research which proved that if you are looking at the pictures which brings happy memories you are 11 times more likely to get a better mood than from the food. (If I would take a part in the research, I certainly want to join the group who gets to eat :) ) But anyway, I think that apart from feeling more 'happy' we also get more ideas.

Sometimes other people inspire you. Just talking to them and being with them stimulates your senses. You can talk about your work and while thinking aloud, you get even more ideas. Other times, I like discussing completely different things, maybe my future, my dreams, my fears. And if you talk to the right person, such discussion makes you stronger and more devoted.

I actually don't know any other tips. And as always, different things work for different people. Sometimes, however, is good to change your habits and try something new. In the end, we are freelancers therefore we live in an uncertain world with few repetitive things- if any.

So, I reached the end of this piece. Successfully, proudly aaaand... am I ever going to sell this? No. But I spent some nice time with my thoughts, contemplating. Plus every piece is a practice. Don't give up on your hope. I promise that I won't...